I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
