someone get that fucking seahorse.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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