Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
