I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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