I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
