I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
