He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
