Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
