If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
