I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
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