Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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