That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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