If i come over, it means nothing
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
