Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I did not marry a roomba.
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