i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
