Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Green mimosas i think yes
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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