I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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