I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
