Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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