He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
