It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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