how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
