as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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