life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The beer is more important than you right now.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
