Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
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She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
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It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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