so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
