Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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