Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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