I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
