I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
