Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
