FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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