saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
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Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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