Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
