I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
