In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
