It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
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Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
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Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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