i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
