You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
