I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
