You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
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