She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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