her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
