so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
