I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
only if we run a train.
done.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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