she woke up with a sticky ear
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I woke up under a house in Key West
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