I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
