goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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