My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
