I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
