Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
