margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
