He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
