what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
