FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
