I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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