dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
