But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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