Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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