The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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