he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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