I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
