i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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