So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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