your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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