I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
