Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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