You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
