8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
