I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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