Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize